Monday, February 6, 2012, AM | Leave Comment
There have been situations that one partner in a relationship has controlled over the others finances whether that may be bank accounts, credit cards, or mortgage loan. Sometimes it’s adults controlling accounts of their retired parents. Some humans have been known to be greedy by nature. They believe what’s mine is mine, what’s yours is also mine. In this post, we will talk only about partners. We will leave parents and kids alone for now.
Financial abuse is known to be one of the most lethal weapons in human arsenal of any kind. It is also an extremely dangerous form of intimidation. It’s more lethal when the abusers try to justify their action as caring.
A financial abuser is a partner that has insisted on controlling the finances and is extremely secretive about what they are doing and will not share information. That includes financial advisers as well – people like Bernie Madoff. But in cases like that, it may or may not be sexually transmitted debt.
Some partners would leave you financially exposed and refuse to share any of the responsibility or information. They share their sex life with you but many would f*** you financially as well. That’s the worst kind of f***ing anyone can experience. How low can some partners get? I hope your partner is not among such scums.
Abusers can harm immensely
Financial abuse and intimidation by your partner can exist in different forms such as:
- Having sole access to bank and online accounts – you can deposit but not withdraw
- Controlling Personal Identification Number (PIN) codes
- Limiting access to cash and credit cards
- Making investment decisions without consulting you
- Taking out joint loans without your consent
- Restricting your access to insurance and estate planning documents
- Asking you to sign financial documents without explaining what they are
To be fair, an overwhelming majority of folks have agreed in principle that one partner takes primary responsibility for running the finances.
But at the same time has agreed to happily inform the other of any of the financial decisions. That’s okay as long as you know about your finances frequently.
Be Alert All the Time
You have every right to ask your partner about the status of your investments, your bank account, your insurance and a whole lot of other finances.
If your partner refuses, start worrying about your money. Talk to a trusted friend or any one who carries some authority in the matter. Tell the abuser (your partner) death has no set time. It can come any time it wants. So your partner better share all the information with you before the person is long gone, never to return. Remember it’s your money.
If you have had one partner in your relationship, you may not be too worried about any sexually transmitted diseases. But sexually transmitted debt – which by definition can be considered a disease as well especially when it gets out of control – can also be more lethal than anything else.
Sexually Transmitted Debt
You have joint credit card account with your partner who has the habit of buying without any regard to your feelings about it. Eventually racks up huge debt.
Your partner then refuses to pay back the debt or skip out. You are left out in the Siberian cold naked and financially exposed to the human species known as creditors and debt collectors. The burden of paying the whole debt has fallen on your shoulders because knowingly or unknowingly you had cosigned the papers.
In joint accounts of any kind, both partners are equally responsible for the whole debt if the other can’t pay or does not want to pay. In that case, the minimum you can do is stop having sex with your partner, period. That way debt will not be sexually transmitted any more.
Protect yourself from Sexually Transmitted Debt
Make your own financial decisions on purely economics of the day and not on your sex life. If the partner leaves you, you are left with almost no money, with all the debt burden on your shoulders, and no sex life either. You can start your sex life with others the first night you are alone but you cannot pay your debt overnight.
When you sign as guarantor, don’t think about your sex life. Instead, think about your financial life. As guarantor you are indicating you are prepared to take over the debt if the borrower defaults. Know where the money is coming from and going to.
If you have a joint account with your partner, make sure the bank does not allow checks above a certain amount to be paid without joint signatures.
Be very careful how you buy assets in joint account. It could all be extremely relevant for both tax and sex purposes, especially if the relationship splits and you have no sex life with your partner any more.
Creditors couldn’t care less how your sex life is. Leave it outside the equation. Never base your financial decisions on your sex life with your partner.
In a Nutshell
To start with, make a financial plan and agree to it in writing. Sign it off by your attorney and have at least two witness. This way, both partners have common goals and know where they are heading.
Never consider it a part of your sex life with your partner. If you have even a slight suspicion about your finances going into a black hole, the first thing you gotta do is stop having sex with your partner so that no more debt can be sexually transmitted. In essence, take control of your own finances.Facebook.com/doable.finance