Hey Bud! Can You Spare A Dime? I Wanna Be In Debt
Sat Mar 28, 2009, 10:34 am | Leave Comment
I apologize. English not being my first language – I keep saying this, I apologize for that too. I feel like I am talking to my wife. I keep apologizing to her. In the morning I say to her, I apologize before I say or do anything the rest of the day.
Anyway, instead of asking you for a dime, I meant to say a billion bucks. That doesn’t sound right. How about a billion dollars. Ya! That’s it. A billion dollars. That sounds much better. These days, we keep hearing about trillions and trillions of dollars. What the heck is a billion? Especially among friends. We are friends, ain’t we?
Well! At least I think so. You know why I thinks so, Alice. I tell you why I think we are friends. I need money, that’s why. Doesn’t that make us friends. If you think that doesn’t melt your heart down – I heard it somewhere, I don’t know what that means – nothing in this world will.
Don’t be just a stone lying around in everyone’s path. We are friends. Have a big heart. I need the money. You have the money. Be a good friend. Give me the money, won’t you please? I said please, didn’t I?
I ain’t got no more friends left in this rotten world of yours. They are all bankrupt. Mortgage, credit cards, debt, the schmucks of the world, the Madoff’s. I don’t even wanna think about those friends. I wanna start a new life. Let’s bygones be bygones. I wanna be your friend.
Your questions are hard to understand. Don’t make no sense. They don’t comprehend with me. I need the money. You have the money. All you gotta do is give me the money. Why should you ask me questions? “What are you gonna do with the money?” You are not my father. My father is dead.
I will do with the money whatever I very well damn please. Who are you to ask me questions like that? You make-a-me mad, man. Accountability? What the heck is that? Don’t you know what Napoleon said once about the word or more like the concept “impossible”? Well! Accountability is not in my dictionary or better yet, it’s not in my vocabulary. Don’t you ever try to talk to me about that. I don’t even wanna say it. I don’t wanna think about it. That’s not in my person.
I am not asking you for a trillion dollar. Can’t you get that into your thick head, the thickest of them all – even though that won’t be such a bad idea either. Let me think about that later. But right now, it’s only a measly billion I am asking for. It’s just a million spelled with a b, that’s all. Gee! So picky. Wow!
Why should you talk about accountability? Who the heck are you? I need the money, not you. You have the Treasury. You own the currency mint factory. I don’t. Print out some money, what the heck? Is that too much to ask? Gee! I am trying to help you. I am doing you a favor. I have a finger on the layoff button. Don’t make me do what I really want to do. I have always wanted to push that button.
You think I am gonna sit here all day long begging you for money. Well you are wrong, mister. I would declare bankruptcy if you didn’t give me my money. No, no. Please. Don’t do that. I give you the money. And I don’t have to print the extra money either. I am the Treasury. I have heard that creates inflation. Hey! I am the Treasury. I am the Feds. You know what that means. That means I know a little about the economy. I know about inflation and recession and depression, and Monday, Wednesday, Sunday, Saturday. Maybe not much, but enough to get by, at least till the next election. I got passing grades in high school. I am now considered the expert on the economy. At least I like to think so.
And you know what? I don’t have to print the money. I will get you the money no matter what. The Chinese and the Russians and the Arabs and … have lots of it. I am gonna make them an offer they can’t refuse.
Moral of the story
There is no moral of the story. I am sick and tired. I am the American Public. I just wanna stretch my legs and take a nap and as usual think about nothing. The best thing to do is to think about nothing. I am the American Public. I have the right to do that. That ought to be in the constitution. Think about nothing. It’s a show about nothing anyway.
What do you think?
Or perhaps you are like me. You think about nothing, neither or is it either? What the heck and what the heck to everything. I watch the news everyday. I am damned if I do and I am damned if I don’t. There is no escape, is there?
I am always the third in the equation. I am the American Public. Don’t you forget that?
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